You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
