Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
