Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
