no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
