also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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