Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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