how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the raccoons are back...
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