Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
