the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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