did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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