I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
