8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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