Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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