I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
