who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
