Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
