I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
