Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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