i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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