if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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