If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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