i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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