Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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