I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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