My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
two words...techno handjob
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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