I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
