I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
