I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
