i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
