Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
