I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize