He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
