I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
