Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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