5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
