3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found the puke drawer
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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