Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
