did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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