Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
