I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
