i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
they need to just BURY HIM!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got inside last night via doggy door
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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