we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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