would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
