The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The power of my boobs compel you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
