Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
