I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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