Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
