i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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