Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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