im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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