Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
