Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
