Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
