I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
