Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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