HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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