I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
