He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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