omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
