If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
