I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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