Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
