Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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