u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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