I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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