That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
