it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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