Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background