She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.