Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
