It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
