you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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