look no pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
