Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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