She said her name was "party"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
